Thursday, March 9, 2017

Agree to disagree, how we can get the fuck along

Hello World, it’s me Munch!

I want to conduct an experiment. Ready? Good. Close your eyes. I’m going to ask you a question. Have you ever disagreed with anyone? What came first, the chicken or the egg? Who wore it better, Kim or Kanye? Yes, of course you’ve disagreed with someone. It’s natural, because we are all unique with individual opinions, likes, and dislikes.

We agree to the same ideas, but have unique reasons for doing so. For example, Bob and Tom both support the 2nd Amendment. Bob does so because he hunts. He hunts to provide food for his family and save money. Tom supports the 2nd Amendment because he believes in his right to protect his home and family. Agreeing to the same idea or cause, but for different reasons.

I used a strong example there, because it leads me to what I’m seeing with people, politics, and disagreements. Let me tell you… social fricking media. If you don’t have the FB or Twitter… don’t go getting it now. Social media has become an even worse “swamp” than the one in D.C., because people have turned into stark raving lunatics on both sides. Quite honestly… what the actual fuck people? We’re in need of a new feature on social media called the GMI: Grandma Monitoring Interface.
Grandma's.. aren't they the cutest?  

What Grandma’s interface will do, is ensure that comments are appropriate and passes the Grandma test. Is this something you would say to a fellow human being in front of your Grandma? No? Algorithms will then prevent your comment from posting and suggest instead a sane “Would you like to instead” response. Some examples include:

When someone types a response via comment that states: “U ignerant fucktard lebral snowflake” (misspelled intentionally… because well you’ve been on Facebook), the algorithm will pick up on that and suggest instead: “You seem to be having difficulty with my conservative opinion. While I respect your individual right to an opinion of big government, please respect my opinion for smaller government and my right to live free”


When someone types a response via comment that states: “You are a grossly, misinformed, misogynist, pig; who uses the Bible to propagate hate”, the algorithm will pick up on that and suggest: “I see you love Jesus. Let me assure you, that I too love Jesus and believe in his teachings whereby he commanded me to love my fellow man with no asterisks. May the Peace of the Lord be with you always.”  

See? The same thing was said, but in non-hateful way. A civil debate/discussion can still take place between the two people, to find the best solution to a problem. My friends, that is what it supposed to happen in Congress and is currently not. Congress has implemented an extreme “Yes or No, we’ve got the majority” method of legislating. At this point, it’s not hard for me to see why. “We the People”, can’t stop bullying and threating one another over a keyboard long enough; to see how our Government, which is supposed to be ours, is fucking us over.  

And this is my biggest problem with America right now. How we treat each other and the things we are saying is more shameful IMO than how politicians are acting. We hide behind our internet profiles and spew hatred to one another, calling each other names and fighting about who’s right and who’s wrong in all of this. Newsflash… we all share some blame. Things will only get better when we truly stop, take a deep breath and say: “You know what? No more. I will not hate my neighbor today because he is different. I will instead embrace her because she is different and learn how we can be stronger together” 
It's not that time. Be Nice 

Since I’m on a roll today, let me share some additional thoughts:

It is our 1st Amendment right to peacefully assemble and protest. That right does not guarantee you the right to act like an asshole and impede upon the rights of others to move through traffic safely. (whether it be in a car or on a sidewalk)
If you get gassed by the police, because you are doing so… too fucking bad, you deserve it.

White Privilege
If you don’t understand it, newsflash… you have it

Yes, they existed. No, they were not immigrants or volunteers… no matter what Ben Carson or the textbooks written in Texas tell you.

The Gay Agenda
Newsflash… Agendas are for meetings. Gay folk, or as I like to call them: People… aren’t having secret meetings to develop gay conversion serums, in order to make America Fabulous. There is no agenda, just stop. Some people are just gay, please just get over it. (But if someone does tell you they are gay… realize what a moment that is. Say something positive like “That’s awesome bro, but it's still your turn to take out the trash”

Transgender people in the bathrooms
Seriously I don’t know why this is even an issue. Ahem… everybody pees. Biological fact. If you’re checking out genitalia of others in the bathroom, you’re the sick one. (You’re probably also gay, which is okay... but I’m still gonna need you to take out that trash) Still though, there is not a documented case of an actual trans person attacking someone in the bathroom.

yep... everyone. some are even full of it!

Criminals, yes… trans people, no. Do you really think that a criminal is going to perpetrate a crime, whereby he knows that if he caught that he is going to the pokey dressed as a woman? Also, let’s be realistic here. If you’re going to sexually assault someone, a pair of pantyhose probably aren’t the best thing to wear… just saying. If you don’t believe me, try a pair. Seriously, I’ll wait. Wait a good hour or two after you’ve been sweating in them and try to get them off in a hurry. Now try to do that while trying to sexually assault someone who is fighting you.

Agree? Disagree? Comment. Keep it civil. I love being wrong when someone teaches me something new, almost as much as I love being right.


Thursday, November 10, 2016

Moving Forward with Hope. We the People.

The 2016 Presidential election has passed and with a twist that many didn’t see coming: Republican Presidential nominee Donald J Trump won the White House. For sure, there will be the pundits and the die hard, Democratic supporters who say Hillary Clinton won the popular vote and she should be the winner. Shades of the 2000 election abound, but in the end… it really doesn’t matter. We have an Electoral College and until such a time that the Electoral College is abolished… the popular vote is not how the President and VP are chosen. We the voters only indirectly elect the President. The Electorates of each state will elect the candidate come Dec 19th  and yes, the candidate elected will be Donald Trump.

None of us knows what is going to happen going forward and this post isn't about what the President Elect will do or who he will piss off. It's about us... you & I; and what we as a nation need to do to right our ship. With that out of the way… how do we proceed?

First thing is first… We all need to respect the Office of the Presidency. Donald Trump is the President Elect, he was elected and won in a fair process.  Time and again throughout President Obama’s administration, all of us saw the racist comments on Facebook or in the Media. For some of us, myself included, it angered me to no end. Kenya baby… O-Bammie… Obama Hussein… The Monkey in the White House… and let’s not forget the supreme mother of all insults to a black man or woman: “Nigger”.

“He’s not my President” or "I didn't vote for him, so I'm not supporting him", many declared. True, you may not have voted for him or even like that he is your President; but as the office holder of Presidency of the United States… he is the top public elected servant for ALL Americans. The same applies now. I may not have voted for Donald Trump, but he will be this nation’s President come January 20th, 2017 and as President, he will be entitled to the respect that the office commands. The violence we are seeing at protests is not going to accomplish anything or move us forward as a nation. Right now, more than anything… this nation needs healing and unity. Protesting and assembling peacefully? Yes, protected by the 1st Amendment. Protesting and inciting violence against others? Not protected.    

The 2nd thing we need to do…. Embrace our neighbors & love them. This includes any of you on the  Christian right as well; who need to hug and love their bleeding heart, tree hugging, Liberal friends. If you don’t understand why, may I suggest you go back to the Good Book and check out John 15:17… go ahead, we’ll wait until you get back.

Hi there, welcome back! We’re on the same page now, right? You saw that there were no caveats to what he said, am I right? Good Deal. Moving on…

Now one thing Trump did do this election cycle, was to show us how bad America has gotten with regards to how Americans treat each other. Not directly of course, but through the fallout of his behavior and speeches. We now see that racism, homophobia and misogyny is still alive and doing fairly well.

Not all of us, dare I say most of us,  share these behaviors and attitudes. Donald Trump indirectly however has forced us to see and admit these problems. How do we fix this? I honestly don’t know, but I do know one of the steps is going to be embracing one another. It’s not a physical action you understand, but the concept of accepting people for who they are, even when we don’t know or understand what that may be.

3rd… This election cycle has made enemies of friends. Words spoken cannot be taken back, but we CAN  move forward together.  How do I know we can? Because this election cycle has proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that “We the People” are fed up. Donald Trump wasn’t elected for his policies as much, as he was because so many Americans are pissed and wanted to say “Fuck you!” to the establishment, whose been fuckin’ things up for us.  

We the People are tired of politics in DC. We the People are tired of the last hour backroom, power deals. We the People are fed up with lobbyists. We the People are fed up with the men and women that we sent to represent our will, not doing their damn jobs*.  (jobs*- see also taxes, economy, immigration, etc.)

We the People want our country fixed… because when our house is in order, we will be the best. Other countries will again look to us again, as a shining beacon and aspire to be like us. Politics isn’t a once a year or every fours civic duty, folks. It’s a constant duty for us all. Be involved. Write, e-mail or call your elected officials and make your voice heard;  because if you aren’t… then you aren’t doing your part to self govern and you don’t get to complain when the government isn’t working.  

The only way that “We the People” can govern… is if in fact we are actively doing so.   


Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Filler... getting back in the Writing Saddle or trying

Disclaimer... there are no revelations or anything super funny in this post. It's mostly just filler to see if I can still tell a story in a humorous way and hold your attention long enough, so if you're bored at the end, don't say you weren't warned.

I'm gonna need you to remove the sand from your vagina...

Doctor's appointments were the staple of the day yesterday. Not for me mind you... I'm as healthy as a horse. This makes it difficult for me to accompany people, because I can be like this guy....

Do you see this glass wall and my
look of condescension?
Appointment one was for Ms. Munch and it was 
scheduled for 1:25... we got back to the room at 1:50 and the doctor strolled in about 2:00. Fortunately however, I realize that shit happens. Doctors can run late for a variety of reasons. It was nice of the nurse to tell us that the doctor was running late when we got back to the room and why. It would have been nicer to hear that however, when we checked in and we were cooling our heels waiting for an extra half hour. I'm talking to you Ms. Receptionist... who takes names; makes copies of drivers' licenses and insurance cards; and generally acts as Gatekeepers. 

Congratulations... it's going to rip you apart

Anyway, we were there to meet with the physician who performed her diastasis / hernia repair two years ago. Our concern obviously being "Hey, you fucked this up... we're gonna need you to fix this. And oh by the way, we don't think it's fair we have to pay for your mistake."

Two things... #1) We're totally still gonna have to pay for it, because #2) it's apparently a new baby alien (diastasis/hernia) as it's not in the same spot, as he so confidently concluded by poking around with his fingers and concluding the new trouble area is 2 centimeters from where where it was at before. Long story short... Ms. Munch has to go back under the knife.

Because I'm the Wizard, bitch!

Appointment two was for Mini, which should have been an easy, peasy visit. Haaaaa.... not so fast my friend. This was his first time meeting the new family doctor, which means a total recitation of family medical history. Seriously, is there a reason I have to do this? I gave you my history at my last appointment and my wife told you hers, at her last appointment. According to science, her and I's kids are gonna have the same history Mr. Wizard.

In addition to that fun, it was the first visit where I got kicked out of the room... wait, what? I guess this is the age where we as parents get kicked out so the doctors can ask all the important questions like: "Are you using drugs? Just don't" and "Are you having sex? Use protection". Hey Doc, the walls are thin... you may want to use your indoor voice, just saying. I also discovered during this visit is that Mini is officially 5'10 and has officially surpassed me height wise. While it's not the end or the world... there is certainly a feeling of sadness.

The Book of Mini. Free for
Amazon Prime members.
As new fathers, we want our sons to grow up to be big and strong. Things that will enable them to protect themselves, protect others and attract a mate. However, when you realize they've grown up physically and there is less time than there was before to teach them all things that you thought there was plenty of time to do so... that's a moment. It's a moment in which I realized that that there is a new chapter due in the Book of Mini. A new chapter in a book that Mini's Mom and I will no longer write alone, but will co-author with him as he navigates being a young adult... until such a time he grows into manhood and writes his own stories.


Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Fashion Faux Pas Fridays - The 2016 Grammy Edition

Are you there readers, it's me Munch. It's been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time without me. I'm sorry, deal. Life and schizz.

Okay, so that's an exaggeration, however its been a long fuckin' time since I did a post and accordingly you should be patient and forgiving because writing and posting pictures is hard.

Anyway... here I am... back in the saddle for a special Grammys edition. Who doesn't love Red Carpet events? Our favorite artists decked out and resplendent in designer garb that the rest of us won't ever be able to afford; and adorned with jewelry on loan because who in the fuck buys million dollar necklaces anyway?

The Grammys are fun because we get to see artists do their best Derek Zoolander "Blue Steel" impressions. It's also not as formal as the Oscars, so people can take chances and wear something "edgy". Sometimes the edge works and sometimes it fails... spectacularly. (My favorite)

Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot of bad decisions made last evening. Folks upped their fashion game... hell, even the Grammys themselves were better than usual and featured live singing.

Evening trends....

High slits - Hit or a miss. (Hint: if the slit hits your pelvic bone, it's juuuuust a bit too high)     
Peekaboo cut-outs - Also a hit or miss (Dangerous, cause angles and lighting and holy shit, does she have four boobs?)  
Women in men's tuxedo jackets sans brasseries <---- Hot AF... Yes!!!!
Men without socks... fucking stop it. You're grown ass men. Dress like it.

It's a before and after lesson in age appropriate fashion. (E.g. what you can wear in your 20's vs what you can wear in your 40's) That being said they both looked amazing in those colors.


One, two, three they gonna run away from me
'Cause I'm the worst dressed that they ever did see
Dress's and the no, no, no's....


Hello from the Dark Side... 
I will not win E!'s fashion prize...


I'm oddly aroused by the Thai Lady Boy...
errr, nope that's just Zendaya sporting a mullet, in a tux. 


Did you know that the release party for Kacey Musgrave's "Pageant Material" album was done at a drag bar in Nashville, where the queens were dressed as pageant girls? Kacey would have been wise to listen to them about hair, make-up and even borrowed a dress... cause this... I don't know what arrow she was following.

you betta werk!
Speaking of queens... do you know why they love Gaga? Look at the those heels... it's called respect  

in full disclosure, I do love the new new locks
Shoulder Pads... YES!!!!
Alexis Carrington is that you?

Okay... it's a St Patrick's day wedding dress with Fatal Attraction accessories? 

Alright, I could do this all day... but I unfortunately have a job... which pays me to work. My worst and best dressed winner selections for you people. And by people, I mean Twin, cause she is the only one who will read or care about this ridiculous post.



Carrie Underwood
Black can be hard to pull off and make a statement on the Red Carpet, however she owned that place last night. Hair, jewelry, the ruching and fabric of the dress... the slit was the perfect height. As close to perfect as you can get.



Florence Welch
According to E!, she is some kind of fashion expert and she is a whimsical, free spirit type and this is the perfect type of dress for her, which no one else could pull off.

To which I say...

Really??? That's what you're going with???

I think not... get your shit together Florence.

Until next time peeps... 


Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Fashion Faux Pas Friday: the Academy Awards Edition


What can I say? With a new job, comes new responsibilities and not much time for writing. To be honest... it's been hard to even find my writing muse.

Me: Where the hell have you've been Muse?

Muse: There are lots of people who write. I'm a busy muse. Get over yourself.

Me: Bullshit, it's been a year. What the heck gives?
Muse: Alright, look, I'm going to let you in a little secret, the last time I committed myself to a writer.... she turned out 50 Shades of Grey. I'm a little tired of catching shit because some people didn't like it. Look I don't control the content, I just inspire people to write what it is they think other people will be entertained by... but apparently there is a new rule that fantasy is no longer a valid genre of writing.
Me: Get out...
Muse: Oh... that AND every author has the moral obligation to use their writing to speak on social injustices.
Me: These people realize that fiction means made-up, right?
Muse: Would we be having this conversation if they did?

There you have it... the Muse has spoken. Anything a writer puts out will be subject to scrutiny and debate. It doesn't matter if the words were only meant to be entertaining or of a fantasy nature.

In any event, there used to be a weekly whenever I got a damn chance feature called Fashion Faux Pas Fridays. The purpose of this re-occurring and featured post was that I would critique and ridicule current trends of couture fashion... In addition to Fridays, special posts were done for Awards shows.

As we've gone through this year's Red Carpet season... I've debated about posting about the awards shows. One part of me is like why bother? Only Twin reads this and I can just call her and tell her what I thought. Finally after the Oscars however, I thought to myself... "You've always written in the hopes that people are entertained and get a laugh. Whether or not EVERYONE is entertained and gets a chuckle is of no consequence. If one person is entertained, just be happy with that. More importantly, just have fun... oh and we're out of milk." Thanks self and thanks for the reminder because teenagers go through a fuck ton of milk.

I'm not a professional Fashion Guru and I've never claimed to be. Tim Gunn and Kelly Osbourne aren't going to come banging down my door because I impeded on their territory and demand I print a retraction for the bad opinions I offered. Believe me, they'll never read this...  Anyway, I give you the:

Fashion Faux Pas Friday: The 2015 Academy Awards Edition

Let's start with the men... let's be honest it's hard to it fuck up if you're a guy. Seriously... take a shower, throw in some hair product, add some cologne and put on your tux. Instant James Bond.

Chris Pine... the new James T Kirk. Well fitted jacket and has the perfect amount of trouser break. Furthermore... the trousers are not of the "skinny" variety. They aren't jeans. They're formal slacks.

I like Jared Leto, but this Tux.... OY...
The fucking sleeves are too short and so are the trousers... to say nothing of the color.
You look like a tool.... and get a haircut already.
David Oyelowo... an exception to the rule.
Normally I would say formal equals black or white... but he just proved me wrong. Even the trouser legs are skinny or skinny"ish". Guys usually don't get to make a statement on the Red Carpet.
Props, bro...    

As I stated before... it's hard to fuck up when you're a guy., but some people can still find a way. Did you see Andy Samberg? The guy didn't even bother to have his trousers hemmed. As a honorary woman (as I've been called by some pretty extraordinary blogger ladies) I'd be pissed off at the guy.
If I have go through the process of getting fitted for a gown, not eating for a week, praying it's not "water retention week",  getting waxed, having my nails done and making sure I'm accessorized perfectly with the right shoes, jewelry and handbag/clutch... all because I know I will be under a goddamned microscope and be forced to answer "Who are you wearing"... then you better be able to have your trousers hemmed, you fucking tool.

Red Carpet interview people.... #AskHerMore!!!!! The women of Hollywood are more than pretty faces and study their craft just like their male counterparts. Ask them about projects. Ask them why they feel they do about their projects. The Red Carpet can be about more than Versace and Calvin Klein and Jimmy Choo.
Okay... if you've waited and read this far... let's get down to it. You deserve it...
The best and worst according to Munch.
The Worse Dressed
You're Nicole Kidman dammit... dress like it!!!!
Now sashay away and return that gown to the Queen you stole it from. 

Keira... c'mon you're so beautiful and I get your preggers, but seriously...
the words printed on the dress... it's the Oscars... not the SAGs. Step it up Momma to be.  

Just. Hated. It
I don't know why... maybe it's because whatever the hell those black things are, they aren't symmetrical.
Far away they looked plastic... like a ruched up garbage bag underneath her gown, trying to break its way out.

The Best Dressed

Emma Stone... Can this girl do wrong on the Red Carpet this year?
That white porcelain skin and red hair, with the color of that gown?
Love her. 

Margot Robbie... hair, dress, plunging neckline, red lipstick... just yes.

Normally not a fan of red on red like this but Rosamund Pike hit it out of the park with this.
Gorgeous (although I'm still pissed about her killing Barney)

Zoe Saldana... I literally popped out of my seat and was like DAAAAANNUMMMMMMM. This picture does not do her  gown and how amazing she looked in it justice. It was perfection. It clung to all the right curves and hugged her body like a glove. The necklace was the perfect accessory piece and the tendrils of hair cascading down.  
And my BEST Dressed of the evening... goes to Ms. Anna Kendrick. I heard a remark that her dress was not dressy enough for the Oscars. I totally disagree and love everything about her gown. The coral was a beautiful color on her and the crystal /jeweled neckline as part of the dress was beautiful.

Nom Nom Nom...
So hot... want to touch the heiney

Next year... I'm hoping they #AskHerMore and for an end to all skinny pants on guys.


Thursday, September 11, 2014

Things that are upsetting me lately... the unorganized, potpourri edition

Just some things I've been musing about for awhile... Strap in.

Why are so many kids little fucking shits? Back when I was a kid (I was a child of the 70s/80s), kids respected their elders... period. And if they didn't, they sure as hell knew to keep their mouths shut and not throw a fucking tantrum about something being unfair. If they did, they better be ready to endure the shit storm that was going follow.

In our quest to keep up with the Joneses we've allowed a basic premise of parenting to slide by the wayside.... parenting. If your kid doesn't do anything but play videogames during the summer and is disrespectful to you when you tell him/her to stop it, then asking "What do I do? I've tried "EVERYTHING" on social media.  

No you haven't. If you had, you would have yanked that fucking gaming system out of the wall and taken his/her other shit away too. Are you a dainty flower who is worried about her son overpowering her? That's not a problem. I'm sure you know a man or neighbor who you get along with well enough, who is bigger than your boy and who your kid is not going to mouth off too. Still a problem? Drive your kid to the local Police station... they'll still stick your kid in a cell free of charge for a couple of hours, so that they think about why it's important to respect Mom and Dad.

Stop listening to or getting advise from people on social media... me included. Trust your gut as a parent. No one is a fucking expert when it comes to kids... if someone is telling you they are, then they're a fucking liar or suffering from delusions of grandeur. Every single kid that you will have is going to be different than the other. They will have different needs and act differently. What parenting method worked on one, won't work on the other. Think of parenting as a game of chess.

Chess: Being able to change game strategies and tactics, as your opponent changes his/hers... is necessary to win.

Parenting: being able to adapt and change your parenting methods, as your children display different personalities/behaviors is necessary to be successful.

Not recommended for washing out your kid's mouth, but great
for washing dishes and keeping your hands looking young.
Is profanity a problem with your kid? There is no such thing as soap poisoning... your kid won't die and it's not abuse (provided you're not a dumb ass, who dumps half a bottle of Palmolive down your kid's suck hole) I'm talking about tried and true bar soap. Worked on just about every kid I know. We may have swore around each other after, but we sure as fuck didn't do it around our parents or anyone else's parents.

Discipline. Different aged children require different discipline methods. A single pop on the ass and a "No" to get their attention when they're little... I guarantee that's going to get Cutsiepoo's attention, more so than a time out when they're 2 or 3. They're also not going to remember getting that Pop on the ass when they're adult. I'm not talking about a belt or a paddle to the ass either. I'm talking about your hand and their little butts. It doesn't need to be hard. It's a pop. It's an attention getter. It's not to meant to hurt, its meant to get their attention and stop the behavior. Their little butts fit in the palms of your hands for a reason... just saying. Don't be afraid to use when necessary.

Not for spanking your kids... if you're using this then you're a sadist.

As your kids move into the young child stage, spankings aren't going to be very effective. Timeouts? A better alternative, because your kid can now rationalize and better understand the concept of right and wrong; and think about why his/her behavior was wrong as they sit there. (They're also probably developed enough logic, to ask you why you're hitting them if hitting is wrong)    

My kids are older now, so would I try to spank my 13 year old or put him in a timeout? Of course not. In fact, I haven't spanked Mini in years. When he does wrong, which isn't often, his mother and I ground him or take his cool shit away. Whether its a gaming system or his phone. The same goes for Special K. At 10, she gets things taken away too or she may end up not getting to go to a classmate's birthday party / sleep over.

See what I've done there? Over the years I've changed and adapted, based on what works best for my kids... because there isn't a one size fits all. Maybe you have a genius child that was capable of logic and rationalizing, while he/she was doing calculus in the womb... obviously then a spanking for your kid won't work. He/She already knows its not good to run into the street chasing after a ball or that throwing sand is bad. 

Two more things on kids and we'll move along. 

Circumcision... do I have my own opinion on it? Yes I do and I'm quite passionate about it. Am I going to get up all in your business with my opinion, when it comes time for you to decide. Nope. None of my business. If you ask me about it. I'll calmly tell you my opinion on it and then advise you to seek advise from others as well. 

Breastfeeding in public... It's a boob. Whip that bitch out and let your child suckle away. It's a natural process of a mother feeding her child. If someone finds it offensive, then they're the problem. With that being said... if you're in a place and for whatever reason they have signs that say no breastfeeding. Respect that or stop patronizing that small ass minded place immediately. If they ask you to cover up and your baby tolerates that... then cover up, feed your baby and THEN stop patronizing that small-ass minded place. I'm sorry, but it's still taboo. That's REALLY stupid I know. Eventually it will get to a place where it isn't, but until it is... let's have respect for each other... not just ourselves.

That brings me to entitlement... when the fuck did we become a nation of entitlement? This attitude that its all about me and mine. It's one thing to say "Please mind your own business". It's another for one person or group to say you need to re-write the rules for me or for us. This is really pertaining to situations where one group feels that they're entitled to something to be provided for free. Repeat after me... there is no such thing as a free lunch. If it's something you need, shouldn't you pay for it, if you're an able bodied person capable of work? Are there exceptions? Of course, sometimes people  need REAL help and giving help is a noble thing... and sometimes the only right thing to do. However, is providing shit for free to people on an ongoing basis, at the expense of others a long term solution? No. I don't believe it is. Why? Someone always has to pay. Whether it's your employer or taxpayers... someone is paying for it.

Female empowerment. Something has been bugging me since the MTV VMAs. I saw a lot of comments and remarks flying around social media about female empowerment and a LOT of "go girls"!!! Really??? Because to me, Nicki Minaj looked like a whore and was "dancing" much like some strippers I've seen. I'm sorry, but I don't equate scantily clad women gyrating and twerking like hookers to being powerful, independent and sexy women. When I think of strong women that are music artists, who've pushed for female empowerment. I think of artists like Shania Twain, Pink, and Kelly Clarkson. Women who sang about female independence and empowerment without having to drop to their skivvies and shake their ass to make a point. And they're all incredibly sexy as fuck too I might add. That's just my opinion though.

These women and girls are role models to young girls and tweens. Do you really want your young daughters to emulate the dancing and dressing of some of these young, music artists? I for one don't. I want us to teach our daughters that they can be confident, independent and sexy without putting their bodies on display. So yes, to me it is about clothes. Simply put and with apologies to Dr. Seuss...

Short-short shorts and cropped up tops. I will not, do not, like these clothes.

As parents, especially the Moms out there, please teach your daughters to respect, love and clothe the body they have. Most importantly, please teach her to dress for the venue she is going too. Tell her if she has to ask herself is this outfit appropriate for where I'm going... chances are, it's not. I'm not stating that shorts aren't appropriate or that a short skirt is unacceptable. You all know the clothing I'm talking about. Tweens wearing shorts that stop just short of the natural crease between the hips and legs... Teens wearing skin tight leggings with nothing covering the bum or skirts that would do a 20 y/o club dress wearer proud. I'm not a prude... but for fuck's sake... c'mon.... these are young ladies. They need guidance and direction.  

Lolita-ish... not age appropriate for your daughter. Totally
appropriate for you to wear for your husband.

Short, but still cute and
leaves something to the imagination

Dad's... teach your sons to respect girls and women. That girl is someone's daughter, someone's sister. That woman is all the above and probably someone's mother. WE have to make sure our boys respect women. They don't learn it on their own. This is something that has to be taught to them and that they see US doing as well. Part of how we can do that is by putting the shoe on the other foot. How would they feel if it was their sister or it was their Mom that was being ogled.

Men are visual. We get turned on by what we see, but we have to teach our sons control though. We have to make sure our sons understand that even if a girl is dressed like a hooker, she may not want sex. Or... if she does want sex, that she may change her mind. That whole concept of "a woman's prerogative" that they didn't teach us about in school... yeah that. We have to teach that to our sons and ensure they understand that when a girl says "No!"... it means just that, "No!"  

Look we can't keep teens from being teens... or stopping girls from changing clothes when one they step outside. Maybe however, by having open and honest dialogue about sex... maybe then the mystery won't be as much of a mystery.

I'm got a lot more on my mind... but this is getting too long and I really have to get some real work done. As always comments welcome. Be respectful. Please present dissenting opinions with intelligent responses. (Proper grammar as well, if you'd like a response)


Saturday, September 6, 2014

My Twin - The Mystery Revealed

Sisters. They're your first best friends. They're your first worst enemy.

I have four... two that I've been blessed to have in my life since I was five. One that was removed from my childhood when I was three and then reintroduced when I was sixteen-ish. The last one, I just met in the last five years. Different sisters with different personalities, different lives, and yet similar, in that they have me for a brother. Over time, I've made them extremely proud and extremely frustrated. I've made them cry, I make them laugh.

My post today however, isn't about my sisters as a whole. It's only about one. My Twin... who is not my twin, but really is. If you been a fan of the page, or this poorly maintained blog of mine then you've heard me refer to "My Twin". My Twin is my slightly younger, step sister. (Five months, six days) for those keeping track.

Today is her birthday, days our family really doesn't really go out the way to celebrate. It's usually a card, a phone call or an occasional dinner. But typically it's a hooray for you, shut up and eat your cake or drink your booze kinda day.

My princess crown is bigger, but you get the gist of what I'm saying 


Anyway.... like most step siblings... she and I were not always the best of friends. Throughout 5th - 11th grade we ran in different cliques. She was the All-American girl. Sweet, pretty and somewhat ALWAYS demure. I was no none of those things. I was short, awkward, and a nerd who never fit in with any crowd until about high school when I eventually grew and people were like "There you are. How've you been?" 

I suspect however that if it hadn't been for her... my adolescent years would have been worse than they were with more bullying and such. Boys liked my sister and even a teenage boy knows not to mess with the nerdy brother of the girl he'd like to make out with.

It was during this time that our relationship while not enemies, wasn't what it is now. She largely ignored my comings and goings; and I likewise with her. Most of conversations went something like this... (out of earshot from our parents of course)

Twin: Stop being such a dork. I'm tired of being embarrassed by you.
Munch: F**& you.

Our only commonality in those days was explaining to dipshits the concept of why were in the same grade and didn't share a birthday.

That however was soon to change...

The summer before our Senior year in High School, just as I was becoming semi-quasi cool and things we're going better for us all, we moved from Wyoming back to Ohio. My Dad had left his job as a Deputy Sheriff and had gained new employment in Columbus, OH; where we were originally from. It was painful for my sister and I. You grow up with your friends, dream about graduation, and look forward to what will be the best year ever; only to find out that it's not what fate has in mind for you. While painful, I have to look back and say I'm grateful that it happened, as My Twin and I probably wouldn't enjoy the relationship we do today if it hadn't.

And so really begins the story... moving back was hard. It involved a large pay cut for Mom and Dad. As such, we all contributed to the household income and chores. More so than we already did due to everyone's work schedules. My sister and I gave 50% of our meager income to my parents to assist with household bills.

Moving our Senior year also involved another challenge... making new friends. Most of us know or have heard how hard it is to make friends for a new kid. I can tell you its only worse when you're a Senior AND you're a new kid. Cliques have already been formed and friendships set... simply put, we were the weird kids from Wyoming who are in the same grade but weren't Twins. Now while I was use to being an outsider... my sister was not. She was also dealing with the loss of her High School Sweetheart. (D-R-A-M-A... YOU HEAR ME PEOPLE?)


While we both managed to make friends... they weren't the same kind of relationships we'd had with our old friends in Wyoming. What it did, was to force us to talk to each other and really get to know the other. We went out together a lot. To movies, to putt-putt, to the mall.... sometimes just us and other times with a group of kids from school. Our trust was in each other and not many others. To cap it off around this time, our parents (technically my Mom and her Dad) were having problems. Looking back now... after being married myself, I understand a lot better than I did then what was causing the problems in the marriage. The only reason I bring that up, was how it affected Twin and I. We were both scarred... for them and for us. We generally only had each other. Cool Ass Big Sis was around, but she was in college. She worked a lot as well and didn't live with us. Being forced apart would have been detrimental to Twin and I both, as we were each other's support system. In the end however, Mom and Dad stayed together. Crisis avoided and a lesson learned for each of us about relationships and divorce and kids.

After High School, I left for the Marine Corps and Twin went on to College. It was hard. I missed the person that had become pretty much my best friend. With that said... life happens and in the absence of our friends, even best ones... we go on to make new ones. She did and I did.

We may not be best-ties anymore and we are both are getting older. We have our own lives and schedules, which keep us busy and often apart. When we do get together though... the friendship hasn't changed much. We're still the friends who were... just more "mature". When I see her number pop up my cell phone I smile. When our families get together, I smile because I know I get to see her. I get giddy meeting her for dinner, drinks and people judging watching or even just for morning coffee, before she goes to her teaching job.

She teaches 6th grade at the Middle School where my son attends and where my daughter will start next year. Obviously she cannot teach my kids, but I find a lot of comfort knowing she is there with them. 

As adults, we no longer get the you're in same grade? Are you twins? Now, it's just the surprise we encounter when parents or students discover we're brother and sister. As always, I'm asked are you twins? I just smile because in all honesty I think we are as close as twins... while we don't have our own secret language, we do have our own uniquely close sibling relationship.

Fate was kind when it choose to move us our Senior year. 

Happy Birthday Twin!!! I Love you!