Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Filler... getting back in the Writing Saddle or trying

Disclaimer... there are no revelations or anything super funny in this post. It's mostly just filler to see if I can still tell a story in a humorous way and hold your attention long enough, so if you're bored at the end, don't say you weren't warned.

I'm gonna need you to remove the sand from your vagina...

Doctor's appointments were the staple of the day yesterday. Not for me mind you... I'm as healthy as a horse. This makes it difficult for me to accompany people, because I can be like this guy....

Do you see this glass wall and my
look of condescension?
Appointment one was for Ms. Munch and it was 
scheduled for 1:25... we got back to the room at 1:50 and the doctor strolled in about 2:00. Fortunately however, I realize that shit happens. Doctors can run late for a variety of reasons. It was nice of the nurse to tell us that the doctor was running late when we got back to the room and why. It would have been nicer to hear that however, when we checked in and we were cooling our heels waiting for an extra half hour. I'm talking to you Ms. Receptionist... who takes names; makes copies of drivers' licenses and insurance cards; and generally acts as Gatekeepers. 

Congratulations... it's going to rip you apart

Anyway, we were there to meet with the physician who performed her diastasis / hernia repair two years ago. Our concern obviously being "Hey, you fucked this up... we're gonna need you to fix this. And oh by the way, we don't think it's fair we have to pay for your mistake."

Two things... #1) We're totally still gonna have to pay for it, because #2) it's apparently a new baby alien (diastasis/hernia) as it's not in the same spot, as he so confidently concluded by poking around with his fingers and concluding the new trouble area is 2 centimeters from where where it was at before. Long story short... Ms. Munch has to go back under the knife.

Because I'm the Wizard, bitch!

Appointment two was for Mini, which should have been an easy, peasy visit. Haaaaa.... not so fast my friend. This was his first time meeting the new family doctor, which means a total recitation of family medical history. Seriously, is there a reason I have to do this? I gave you my history at my last appointment and my wife told you hers, at her last appointment. According to science, her and I's kids are gonna have the same history Mr. Wizard.

In addition to that fun, it was the first visit where I got kicked out of the room... wait, what? I guess this is the age where we as parents get kicked out so the doctors can ask all the important questions like: "Are you using drugs? Just don't" and "Are you having sex? Use protection". Hey Doc, the walls are thin... you may want to use your indoor voice, just saying. I also discovered during this visit is that Mini is officially 5'10 and has officially surpassed me height wise. While it's not the end or the world... there is certainly a feeling of sadness.

The Book of Mini. Free for
Amazon Prime members.
As new fathers, we want our sons to grow up to be big and strong. Things that will enable them to protect themselves, protect others and attract a mate. However, when you realize they've grown up physically and there is less time than there was before to teach them all things that you thought there was plenty of time to do so... that's a moment. It's a moment in which I realized that that there is a new chapter due in the Book of Mini. A new chapter in a book that Mini's Mom and I will no longer write alone, but will co-author with him as he navigates being a young adult... until such a time he grows into manhood and writes his own stories.


Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Fashion Faux Pas Fridays - The 2016 Grammy Edition

Are you there readers, it's me Munch. It's been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time without me. I'm sorry, deal. Life and schizz.

Okay, so that's an exaggeration, however its been a long fuckin' time since I did a post and accordingly you should be patient and forgiving because writing and posting pictures is hard.

Anyway... here I am... back in the saddle for a special Grammys edition. Who doesn't love Red Carpet events? Our favorite artists decked out and resplendent in designer garb that the rest of us won't ever be able to afford; and adorned with jewelry on loan because who in the fuck buys million dollar necklaces anyway?

The Grammys are fun because we get to see artists do their best Derek Zoolander "Blue Steel" impressions. It's also not as formal as the Oscars, so people can take chances and wear something "edgy". Sometimes the edge works and sometimes it fails... spectacularly. (My favorite)

Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot of bad decisions made last evening. Folks upped their fashion game... hell, even the Grammys themselves were better than usual and featured live singing.

Evening trends....

High slits - Hit or a miss. (Hint: if the slit hits your pelvic bone, it's juuuuust a bit too high)     
Peekaboo cut-outs - Also a hit or miss (Dangerous, cause angles and lighting and holy shit, does she have four boobs?)  
Women in men's tuxedo jackets sans brasseries <---- Hot AF... Yes!!!!
Men without socks... fucking stop it. You're grown ass men. Dress like it.

It's a before and after lesson in age appropriate fashion. (E.g. what you can wear in your 20's vs what you can wear in your 40's) That being said they both looked amazing in those colors.


One, two, three they gonna run away from me
'Cause I'm the worst dressed that they ever did see
Dress's and the no, no, no's....


Hello from the Dark Side... 
I will not win E!'s fashion prize...


I'm oddly aroused by the Thai Lady Boy...
errr, nope that's just Zendaya sporting a mullet, in a tux. 


Did you know that the release party for Kacey Musgrave's "Pageant Material" album was done at a drag bar in Nashville, where the queens were dressed as pageant girls? Kacey would have been wise to listen to them about hair, make-up and even borrowed a dress... cause this... I don't know what arrow she was following.

you betta werk!
Speaking of queens... do you know why they love Gaga? Look at the those heels... it's called respect  

in full disclosure, I do love the new new locks
Shoulder Pads... YES!!!!
Alexis Carrington is that you?

Okay... it's a St Patrick's day wedding dress with Fatal Attraction accessories? 

Alright, I could do this all day... but I unfortunately have a job... which pays me to work. My worst and best dressed winner selections for you people. And by people, I mean Twin, cause she is the only one who will read or care about this ridiculous post.



Carrie Underwood
Black can be hard to pull off and make a statement on the Red Carpet, however she owned that place last night. Hair, jewelry, the ruching and fabric of the dress... the slit was the perfect height. As close to perfect as you can get.



Florence Welch
According to E!, she is some kind of fashion expert and she is a whimsical, free spirit type and this is the perfect type of dress for her, which no one else could pull off.

To which I say...

Really??? That's what you're going with???

I think not... get your shit together Florence.

Until next time peeps...