Friday, June 17, 2011

Turning Seven… Is this supposed to be Heaven?

So my baby is turning seven today…. Kaitlyn Paige Mundschenk arrived at  10:16pm on 06/17/2004. It was a beautiful summer evening. Beautiful, in that it was literally a beautiful summer night AND because I won the wager between the delivering OB and myself, on what time Kaitlyn would arrive… Experience Schmerience pal… pay up.

Seven years…. Where did it go? The time I mean? She was just taking her first steps… Getting teeth… (for the first time) Keeping us up all night due to a formula sensitivity issue… (Karma for her brother sleeping through the night at a month and a half)
Now it’s about silly bands, riding her bike, looking at yearbooks with her girlfriends, and listening and talking about all things Bieber! WTH??? Who is this little Tween? How did this happen? She is seven.  She should still be about dress up,  fairy tale princesses, and boys should still be gross and dumb! It’s that too much for a Dad to ask??? 10 years… Give me ten years of my little girl being .. well a little girl…

You know what it is? I blame tweens and teens.  Little girls are being exposed to the antics of tweens far too early and then want to emulate them.  It’s bad enough that she is going to grow up and discover I’m not a superhero, nor am I the strongest man in the world. With all hyper development* going on… she is going to find this out when is she like 12. SO NOT COOL!

*-Totally trade marking that. Hyper Development can not to be used anywhere without the express written permission of Musings of Munch. Thank you.

Fortunately, I still get many glimpses of the comedian she is and always has been. From the get go, my baby girl was Daddy’s Little Comedian. She has never stopped trying to make our family laugh. Her perfect day would be spent all day laughing and playing games with just her family.

She has also always been Daddy’s Little Snuggler. She seems to be growing out of this… Something I strongly dislike…. But like all fathers, I have no choice but to accept, as she'll eventually find someone to replace me.  

Describing Kaitlyn…

K -  Kind Hearted
A – Amusing to all

I – Intelligent and introverted

T – Tomboy

L – Loves her animals
Y – Yells when you hurt her

N – Nosy. Always up in yo business!

Hey KK… if you are reading this on a day, in the not too distant future, when you are much older…
I hope you had a great 7th birthday. I love ya baby girl with all my heart.


P.S. I’m sure I’d like a call. You should totally pick up the phone and call your Daddy. Better yet, just come over and snuggle with me on the couch, while we watch some Ninja Warrior reruns.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Fashion Faux Pas Fridays - Maxi Dresses - cause sometimes ladies just don't give a f*ck

Can you find the common lowest denominator? Yep! These ladies ALL look like shit!

I know that I said Fridays would be dedicated to the D Bag O'The Week Award, BUT Friday works much better with Fashion Faux Pas don't you agree? Playing the letters against one another? Totally original too, right?

Official douche bag and sponsor of M of M.

That leaves me to decide on a new time slot for the D Bag O' the Week Award. Although feedback on that feature has been slow... I'm still waiting for it to take off faster than a soccer mom with a pocket rocket, checking out the latest David Beckam underwear ad.

So fans, don't fret. The feature isn't going anywhere but to a different day, with a new title. A possible working title is the Summer's Eve Saturday D Bag O' the Week Award. Yeah I like that, let me know what you think.

Without much ado... Our inaugural Fashion Faux Pas is... drum roll please.... the Maxi Dress.

Where to begin with these lovely little numbers.

Your comfort - Public venue... I, along with the public, win. Put it back in the closet.
Your home - My opinion... It's all about you Mrs. Roper! You win!!!  

Again, I'm not telling what to wear... I'm telling you when not to wear what. I know the dresses are comfortable and they're colorful. I know that sometimes that your big girl clothes (clothes you wear to work or out to party with your GFs) can get a little tight and you need a little bit of extra room, because Mother Nature has you bloated like a water buffalo, on the African Savannah. Hell you could fit 10 clowns and a Volkswagen under most of these Bohemian nightmares and nobody would know. That's not the point.

"Well what then, pray tell... is your point Munch?" I'm so glad you asked.... My point is this. Do you let your man go out of the house.... in public.... WITH YOU, in something he finds comfortable and fashionable? I guaranfuckingtee you don't.... UNLESS he pissed you off and you want him to look like a clown. Other than that... you ain't fooling nobody, or at least not me. Example...

Wife - "Are you wearing that shirt"
Husband - "Grunts"
Wife - "Honey, why don't you wear this shirt? I l-o-ve- the way it makes your arms look"
Husband - thinks to self, "I'm getting laid, yo!" Responds back to his "Grunt" and changes his shirt.

See Ladies, that's called skillful manipulation and while admirable, totally not cool! See... although you did him a favor and he looks like the eye candy you want him to be... You also effectively neutered him and placed his nuts in your Dooney and Bourke handbag.

Sorry... I meandered from the topic...   so back to the Maxi dresses. Okay I did find a few examples of dresses similar to a Maxi style that are cute. I would proudly stroll along with my wife and window shop with her, if she were wearing a cute dress like this. (remember, my nuts are going to be in her purse. That's why I'm drooling, carrying heavy bags and window shopping.) 

See? You can wear a bra with this one... you know? A bra? It lifts and separates those puppies!

The thing to remember ladies is this... no matter what InStyle Magazine, Glamour or Cosmo tells you... Bohemian shit or shit that Mrs Roper would have worn, is ugly. Shapeless garments like the Maxi dress do not EVER flatter your figure. The flowing A line skirt and tube top, terry cloth combo... yeah, that's fucking hot.... errrrr nauseating.

I mean seriously... don't you all Ladies dress for each other supposedly? Apparently efffing not and that brings us back to point one...

The Maxi Dress - cause sometimes you Ladies just don't give a fuck...