Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Fashion Faux Pas Friday: the Academy Awards Edition


What can I say? With a new job, comes new responsibilities and not much time for writing. To be honest... it's been hard to even find my writing muse.

Me: Where the hell have you've been Muse?

Muse: There are lots of people who write. I'm a busy muse. Get over yourself.

Me: Bullshit, it's been a year. What the heck gives?
Muse: Alright, look, I'm going to let you in a little secret, the last time I committed myself to a writer.... she turned out 50 Shades of Grey. I'm a little tired of catching shit because some people didn't like it. Look I don't control the content, I just inspire people to write what it is they think other people will be entertained by... but apparently there is a new rule that fantasy is no longer a valid genre of writing.
Me: Get out...
Muse: Oh... that AND every author has the moral obligation to use their writing to speak on social injustices.
Me: These people realize that fiction means made-up, right?
Muse: Would we be having this conversation if they did?

There you have it... the Muse has spoken. Anything a writer puts out will be subject to scrutiny and debate. It doesn't matter if the words were only meant to be entertaining or of a fantasy nature.

In any event, there used to be a weekly whenever I got a damn chance feature called Fashion Faux Pas Fridays. The purpose of this re-occurring and featured post was that I would critique and ridicule current trends of couture fashion... In addition to Fridays, special posts were done for Awards shows.

As we've gone through this year's Red Carpet season... I've debated about posting about the awards shows. One part of me is like why bother? Only Twin reads this and I can just call her and tell her what I thought. Finally after the Oscars however, I thought to myself... "You've always written in the hopes that people are entertained and get a laugh. Whether or not EVERYONE is entertained and gets a chuckle is of no consequence. If one person is entertained, just be happy with that. More importantly, just have fun... oh and we're out of milk." Thanks self and thanks for the reminder because teenagers go through a fuck ton of milk.

I'm not a professional Fashion Guru and I've never claimed to be. Tim Gunn and Kelly Osbourne aren't going to come banging down my door because I impeded on their territory and demand I print a retraction for the bad opinions I offered. Believe me, they'll never read this...  Anyway, I give you the:

Fashion Faux Pas Friday: The 2015 Academy Awards Edition

Let's start with the men... let's be honest it's hard to it fuck up if you're a guy. Seriously... take a shower, throw in some hair product, add some cologne and put on your tux. Instant James Bond.

Chris Pine... the new James T Kirk. Well fitted jacket and has the perfect amount of trouser break. Furthermore... the trousers are not of the "skinny" variety. They aren't jeans. They're formal slacks.

I like Jared Leto, but this Tux.... OY...
The fucking sleeves are too short and so are the trousers... to say nothing of the color.
You look like a tool.... and get a haircut already.
David Oyelowo... an exception to the rule.
Normally I would say formal equals black or white... but he just proved me wrong. Even the trouser legs are skinny or skinny"ish". Guys usually don't get to make a statement on the Red Carpet.
Props, bro...    

As I stated before... it's hard to fuck up when you're a guy., but some people can still find a way. Did you see Andy Samberg? The guy didn't even bother to have his trousers hemmed. As a honorary woman (as I've been called by some pretty extraordinary blogger ladies) I'd be pissed off at the guy.
If I have go through the process of getting fitted for a gown, not eating for a week, praying it's not "water retention week",  getting waxed, having my nails done and making sure I'm accessorized perfectly with the right shoes, jewelry and handbag/clutch... all because I know I will be under a goddamned microscope and be forced to answer "Who are you wearing"... then you better be able to have your trousers hemmed, you fucking tool.

Red Carpet interview people.... #AskHerMore!!!!! The women of Hollywood are more than pretty faces and study their craft just like their male counterparts. Ask them about projects. Ask them why they feel they do about their projects. The Red Carpet can be about more than Versace and Calvin Klein and Jimmy Choo.
Okay... if you've waited and read this far... let's get down to it. You deserve it...
The best and worst according to Munch.
The Worse Dressed
You're Nicole Kidman dammit... dress like it!!!!
Now sashay away and return that gown to the Queen you stole it from. 

Keira... c'mon you're so beautiful and I get your preggers, but seriously...
the words printed on the dress... it's the Oscars... not the SAGs. Step it up Momma to be.  

Just. Hated. It
I don't know why... maybe it's because whatever the hell those black things are, they aren't symmetrical.
Far away they looked plastic... like a ruched up garbage bag underneath her gown, trying to break its way out.

The Best Dressed

Emma Stone... Can this girl do wrong on the Red Carpet this year?
That white porcelain skin and red hair, with the color of that gown?
Love her. 

Margot Robbie... hair, dress, plunging neckline, red lipstick... just yes.

Normally not a fan of red on red like this but Rosamund Pike hit it out of the park with this.
Gorgeous (although I'm still pissed about her killing Barney)

Zoe Saldana... I literally popped out of my seat and was like DAAAAANNUMMMMMMM. This picture does not do her  gown and how amazing she looked in it justice. It was perfection. It clung to all the right curves and hugged her body like a glove. The necklace was the perfect accessory piece and the tendrils of hair cascading down.  
And my BEST Dressed of the evening... goes to Ms. Anna Kendrick. I heard a remark that her dress was not dressy enough for the Oscars. I totally disagree and love everything about her gown. The coral was a beautiful color on her and the crystal /jeweled neckline as part of the dress was beautiful.

Nom Nom Nom...
So hot... want to touch the heiney

Next year... I'm hoping they #AskHerMore and for an end to all skinny pants on guys.