Tuesday, December 20, 2011

My Christmas Musings

My post today was inspired by Justin over at Daddy Knows Less and his post So This is Christmas. I've been following Justin for awhile now and I am proud to call him a friend. At least an acquaintance... He lives on the East Coast, we've never met and his Blog is way cooler than mine. I don't know if our witty comments back & forth on our respective Blogs and FB qualifies us as friends, but I like to think it does. Merry Christmas DKL. I wish you, your Director, Peanut and Luna the very best that the season has to offer.  

And with that....

Christmas... I love it; I hate it; I want more of it; I want less of it... all at the same time.

I love the spirt of the season. I see JOY. I see HOPE. I see LOVE for our fellow man / woman. I see families loving each other & coming together, I see random acts of kindness, people smiling at strangers and treating others as they would be treated. I love seeing these looks on my kids faces...

Buzz is so fricking cool!!!
Nope... NOT UGGS!!!
I love my family. I love spending Christmas Dinner with them.... and I loved it when Special K tried to camp out, to catch a peek at Old Saint Nick. (she didn't make it... do they ever?)

Twin going in for some green bean casserole!
Special K waiting for Santa

I hate that these feelings and acts don't last all year. I hate that in the days leading up to and on the one special day we celebrate the birth of Christ, we are at our best. The next day and the days after... not as much.

Most of all, I hate that my parents are gone. Gone to place where I can't call them and say Merry Christmas. Gone to a place from where they cannot visit their grandkids & children on Christmas. Christmas 2004 was the last Christmas we would spend with my Dad. It was also the first and only Christmas that he got to celebrate with his only granddaughter.

Dad and KK in the only photo I've been able to find of them together

It was a Christmas surprise I'll never forget, as I didn't know my Mom and Dad were coming into town. It was the best present I've ever gotten. One I'll never forget. Especially as I ran into my Dad as I bounding down the steps in a rush. Why was I in a rush? Good question... Pants in The Family tricked me... she implied that the surprise guests were people I hadn't seen in years. I scrubbed this bitch till it shined cleaned this house from top to botttom in order to make a good impression. I think Pants in The Family just did it to get a free house cleaning out of me. I'm onto you woman!

Christmas 2009 was the last we would spend with Mom. It was the last time she baked cookies with Special K and Pants in the Family. Christmas Cookie baking days have been hard since. I didn't stick around for it in 2010. I couldn't. I kept seeing Mom sitting in her chair decorating cookies and gabbing with KK.


This year I stuck around. I even decorated a cookie for my Mom. I still saw her sitting there at the table. She was smiling. That's how I get through the Holidays. I know my Mom and Dad are still there. Smiling and Laughing. Wishing us the best and looking over us.

Merry Christmas Mom and Dad.
 We love you and we miss you.


Thursday, November 3, 2011

Rescue Heros - My best friend Alex

If you've been around the parenting block for any length of time... you may remember some action figures, TV show and a movie titled Rescue Heroes: The Movie... if you don't, it was popular in the early 2000s. Before some of you really cool parents and fellow bloggers had your spawn, things, peanuts and boos.

I must have watched this movie on VHS a hundredthousand, one million times with my son, Alex. We watched alot of stuff together back then... Scobby Doo, Disney's Hercules, Richard Scary, Blues Clues, Pokeman, Rolly Polly Olly... Don't judge. Mrs Munch was working at Macy's back then, during many evenings mostly, and it was just Mr Munch to handle dinner, baths, reading and bedtimes. Entertainment was obviously part of the package too. Movies and imprumtu home movies were the norm back then.... I digress though. It was Rescue Heroes that was by far the favorite in his small, little three year old world. He had tons of the action figures and several impossible looking rescue vehicles to go with them.

Throughout the movie...there is a massive, super, electrical storm which is collecting and converging over Greenland. The world must come down together and devise a solution to safely harness and collect the storm's energy before it can unleash further storms, fires and whatnot.... The solution is well.... no spoilers here... go watch the movie. In any event, this is the song that plays during the climatic finale.

This song often plays in my head. The song brings back alot of memories of Alex and I. The days when we would ask each other everyday "Who's my best friend?" and respond in kind "Me Alex" or "Me Daddy". I miss those days. Those were days of innocence... him as a 3 or 4 year old boy and me as a young father still trying to find that damn manual that my own Dad said he had for raising me.

But... A 10 yr old son in today's world is over those times and his Dad's influences. We Dads are no longer the best friends or coolest guys ever. We're the guys whose advise and experiences are outdated and secondary to those of his obviously smarter 5th grade friends. Sure, I know he'll be back when he gets past this nuisance called adolesence.  A far away day when he is older and becomes a father himself.  I really wish my Dad was still here to bounce this stuff off of and ask how he got through it. He was my best friend too. I miss him. I miss talking about fatherhood with him.

In the meantime I guess I will have have to get by on memories and pictures. I miss you Alex. You're still my best friend.

Circa 2004
7 years later


Monday, October 24, 2011

One Bad A$$ Barbie

Her little dog, Cac-ti scares me a bit....
Good Morning Dear Readers...

I keep coming across these rants or snippets of moral outrage over the new Barbie. Anger over Barbie being inked... Disbelief that Mattel would allow such a thing to happen to the beloved, fashionista Icon... Outrage by parents that this Barbie is not a proper role model for their daughters....

Really now??? C'mon...... wait for it..... wait for it.... ARE PEOPLE OUT THEIR EFFING MINDS?

This Barbie is not being actively marketed to young girls, although maybe it should. More on that later. This Barbie is part of the Adult collectible series with a price tag of $50.00. If you're a parent shelling out $50.00 for a Barbie... you need to have your fucking head examined.

Did I mention she is an eight inch plastic doll? It's not Mattel, nor Barbie's, job to be a role model for your daughters. That would be your/our job as parents. Moms and Dads.... if you don't want your little girls to grow up to be skanks and strippers.... well then be a role model. Teach your daughters to love who they are, about having self respect, and dressing age appropriately for starters. Don't rely on TV / cartoon characters or toys (Barbie's) to act as your child's role model.

Let's actually look at the doll for a minute here... She like all Barbies is pretty cute. She is also much more tastefully done that those whore Bratz Dolls, which ARE marketed to young girls. I'm looking at the doll and seeing something in it, that reminds me of someone else. Ahhh, that's it. The pink hair and tats. The doll reminds me of Pink, who is one bad ass rocker, hot wife and Mom.

Pink. A woman that does not let society tell her how should she "appear" or "be". A woman determined to be who she is. A woman who is unique, confident, self-respecting, strong and fun to name a few. In fact, the kind of qualities that I hope that my daughter has one day. It's not about her tattoos or pink hair people.

It's about OUR jobs as PARENTS to be proper role models for our kids. Eating right (Everything in moderation folks. You can still go to McDonald's once in a while) Teaching through example (Not cutting people off or driving like a maniac) Being respectful of others (Talking to people. Not yelling or talking down to them)

As best you can anyway. None of us is perfect... we slip up. We yell at our kids unnecessarily when we are stressed out, we let profanity slip or we let our kids play video games for too long sometimes. The trick isn't to cover that shit up or being a hypocrite and telling your kids not to, while you do it. The trick is just to be as honest as possible, when possible, and on an age appropriate basis. To let our kids know.... that even though we do our best to be good role models for you, sometimes Mom and Dad have bad days too.

Parenting is hard and they should know that. However being a teenager is hard too and we should remember that.


Saturday, August 6, 2011

Hot'lanta.... A Grad and a Dad...

Disclaimer... This blog is a little long, even by my standards. I still hope you stick around and read the whole thing. It was a emotionally hard blog to type write.

I traveled South this week to Hot'lanta, which I suspect may be a gateway to the inner circles of Hell. While some may suspect that I was offered the chance to see what the purgatory of Hell looks like, so that I may have a chance to redeem my wicked ways and lead a more pure and chaste life, that was not the case.

I was in Hot'lanta to see my not so little, (32) brother's graduation. Sean Patrick Collins. One of the 2011 graduates of Kennesaw State University. Sean, I can't begin to tell you how proud I am that you graduated from college and that you are going onto Law School in the fall. Your drive and ambitious nature WILL propel you to the top. I love ya Perry Mason. (even though you did what you did and you should go to Church and ask for forgiveness)

Some folks reading this blog may be a little confused at this point and may be asking themselves or no one in particular: "Dude has a brother"? Yes party people, I do. I also have a sister from another mother, Melissa, who is a feisty, take no shit, always ready to rumble (think I'm joking? I'm not) young woman; who is also, more importantly, a gentle and loving mother to two wonderful and  handsome boys named Toby and Ty. This was the second time I had met with her. This time, she and I got have some alone time and connect on our own. I'm happy we did Melissa. Thank you for being open with me and trusting me. I know it had to be hard. I love ya.

Reflecting in hindsight... these Collins kids are wrapped pretty tight and do not give trust easily. (With good reason) They have however always stood back to back looking out for each other and believe me when I say... these two are not to be trifled with, as they only put up with shit from the other.

That brings us to our shared commonality, our biological father: Patrick Lee Collins. Some people are really shitting their pants, as they had no clue that I was born David Lee Collins after my paternal Grandfather. I'm not going to lie... before going down South... I was nervous. Very nervous. I didn't know what to think about meeting a man that I had no recollection of and who hadn't seen me in 37 years.

What can I say about Pat or Pops as I've come to know him as? 48 hours in Hot'lanta really wasn't enough time to discover and uncover the total sum of his being. I'm glad we finally did meet though. I've always carried some baggage around about it. What did I discover? DNA is pretty powerful stuff. After meeting him, I can say that I do understand myself a little bit better, as he and I share traits. Some good and some not so good.

Pops is a good man. A man that is proud of his kids. A man I could see bursting with pride that one of his kids was graduating college. A man that was happy to have all of his kids together under one roof and getting along like brothers and sisters should. I hope we made him happy during this brief time together.

Pops is also pretty quick to react negatively or defensively. I can say that because I'm same way and I can recognize it when I see it. It's one of those not so good traits I mentioned before. He is also a bit neurotic a crazy, old man, who looks a bit like Emmett "Doc" Brown from the "Back To The Future" with his wild ass long hair.

Pops... if you are reading this and I hope you are... I'm grateful that we finally met. It resolved the "I wonder" that I felt and thought about for much of my life. If I may... I'd like to offer an observation and give a small bit of advise. You seem unhappy with your life, like you've given up on anything good happening to you. I understand that there is a bad past out there. Fair enough, but the past is the past. We can't live in it and we sure as hell can't change it. What we can do however is try to better ourselves. 

If you are asking "Why?" Because you have three pretty good kids who care about you and want you to be happy. You also have four grandkids that although you don't know them very well, are going to go out in the world and make their mark. You have every reason to be proud of your family and to take joy in their accomplishments. Make that your happy place everyday and just enjoy life. I know there are physical limitations, but I'm sure there is something out there that would make you happy to do and to fill your time, while enjoying the Florida weather.

and those my friends, are the Musings of Munch for today.... out

Friday, June 17, 2011

Turning Seven… Is this supposed to be Heaven?

So my baby is turning seven today…. Kaitlyn Paige Mundschenk arrived at  10:16pm on 06/17/2004. It was a beautiful summer evening. Beautiful, in that it was literally a beautiful summer night AND because I won the wager between the delivering OB and myself, on what time Kaitlyn would arrive… Experience Schmerience pal… pay up.

Seven years…. Where did it go? The time I mean? She was just taking her first steps… Getting teeth… (for the first time) Keeping us up all night due to a formula sensitivity issue… (Karma for her brother sleeping through the night at a month and a half)
Now it’s about silly bands, riding her bike, looking at yearbooks with her girlfriends, and listening and talking about all things Bieber! WTH??? Who is this little Tween? How did this happen? She is seven.  She should still be about dress up,  fairy tale princesses, and boys should still be gross and dumb! It’s that too much for a Dad to ask??? 10 years… Give me ten years of my little girl being .. well a little girl…

You know what it is? I blame tweens and teens.  Little girls are being exposed to the antics of tweens far too early and then want to emulate them.  It’s bad enough that she is going to grow up and discover I’m not a superhero, nor am I the strongest man in the world. With all hyper development* going on… she is going to find this out when is she like 12. SO NOT COOL!

*-Totally trade marking that. Hyper Development can not to be used anywhere without the express written permission of Musings of Munch. Thank you.

Fortunately, I still get many glimpses of the comedian she is and always has been. From the get go, my baby girl was Daddy’s Little Comedian. She has never stopped trying to make our family laugh. Her perfect day would be spent all day laughing and playing games with just her family.

She has also always been Daddy’s Little Snuggler. She seems to be growing out of this… Something I strongly dislike…. But like all fathers, I have no choice but to accept, as she'll eventually find someone to replace me.  

Describing Kaitlyn…

K -  Kind Hearted
A – Amusing to all

I – Intelligent and introverted

T – Tomboy

L – Loves her animals
Y – Yells when you hurt her

N – Nosy. Always up in yo business!

Hey KK… if you are reading this on a day, in the not too distant future, when you are much older…
I hope you had a great 7th birthday. I love ya baby girl with all my heart.


P.S. I’m sure I’d like a call. You should totally pick up the phone and call your Daddy. Better yet, just come over and snuggle with me on the couch, while we watch some Ninja Warrior reruns.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Fashion Faux Pas Fridays - Maxi Dresses - cause sometimes ladies just don't give a f*ck

Can you find the common lowest denominator? Yep! These ladies ALL look like shit!

I know that I said Fridays would be dedicated to the D Bag O'The Week Award, BUT Friday works much better with Fashion Faux Pas don't you agree? Playing the letters against one another? Totally original too, right?

Official douche bag and sponsor of M of M.

That leaves me to decide on a new time slot for the D Bag O' the Week Award. Although feedback on that feature has been slow... I'm still waiting for it to take off faster than a soccer mom with a pocket rocket, checking out the latest David Beckam underwear ad.

So fans, don't fret. The feature isn't going anywhere but to a different day, with a new title. A possible working title is the Summer's Eve Saturday D Bag O' the Week Award. Yeah I like that, let me know what you think.

Without much ado... Our inaugural Fashion Faux Pas is... drum roll please.... the Maxi Dress.

Where to begin with these lovely little numbers.

Your comfort - Public venue... I, along with the public, win. Put it back in the closet.
Your home - My opinion... It's all about you Mrs. Roper! You win!!!  

Again, I'm not telling what to wear... I'm telling you when not to wear what. I know the dresses are comfortable and they're colorful. I know that sometimes that your big girl clothes (clothes you wear to work or out to party with your GFs) can get a little tight and you need a little bit of extra room, because Mother Nature has you bloated like a water buffalo, on the African Savannah. Hell you could fit 10 clowns and a Volkswagen under most of these Bohemian nightmares and nobody would know. That's not the point.

"Well what then, pray tell... is your point Munch?" I'm so glad you asked.... My point is this. Do you let your man go out of the house.... in public.... WITH YOU, in something he finds comfortable and fashionable? I guaranfuckingtee you don't.... UNLESS he pissed you off and you want him to look like a clown. Other than that... you ain't fooling nobody, or at least not me. Example...

Wife - "Are you wearing that shirt"
Husband - "Grunts"
Wife - "Honey, why don't you wear this shirt? I l-o-ve- the way it makes your arms look"
Husband - thinks to self, "I'm getting laid, yo!" Responds back to his "Grunt" and changes his shirt.

See Ladies, that's called skillful manipulation and while admirable, totally not cool! See... although you did him a favor and he looks like the eye candy you want him to be... You also effectively neutered him and placed his nuts in your Dooney and Bourke handbag.

Sorry... I meandered from the topic...   so back to the Maxi dresses. Okay I did find a few examples of dresses similar to a Maxi style that are cute. I would proudly stroll along with my wife and window shop with her, if she were wearing a cute dress like this. (remember, my nuts are going to be in her purse. That's why I'm drooling, carrying heavy bags and window shopping.) 

See? You can wear a bra with this one... you know? A bra? It lifts and separates those puppies!

The thing to remember ladies is this... no matter what InStyle Magazine, Glamour or Cosmo tells you... Bohemian shit or shit that Mrs Roper would have worn, is ugly. Shapeless garments like the Maxi dress do not EVER flatter your figure. The flowing A line skirt and tube top, terry cloth combo... yeah, that's fucking hot.... errrrr nauseating.

I mean seriously... don't you all Ladies dress for each other supposedly? Apparently efffing not and that brings us back to point one...

The Maxi Dress - cause sometimes you Ladies just don't give a fuck...