Monday, June 6, 2011

Fashion Faux Pas Fridays - Maxi Dresses - cause sometimes ladies just don't give a f*ck

Can you find the common lowest denominator? Yep! These ladies ALL look like shit!

I know that I said Fridays would be dedicated to the D Bag O'The Week Award, BUT Friday works much better with Fashion Faux Pas don't you agree? Playing the letters against one another? Totally original too, right?

Official douche bag and sponsor of M of M.

That leaves me to decide on a new time slot for the D Bag O' the Week Award. Although feedback on that feature has been slow... I'm still waiting for it to take off faster than a soccer mom with a pocket rocket, checking out the latest David Beckam underwear ad.

So fans, don't fret. The feature isn't going anywhere but to a different day, with a new title. A possible working title is the Summer's Eve Saturday D Bag O' the Week Award. Yeah I like that, let me know what you think.

Without much ado... Our inaugural Fashion Faux Pas is... drum roll please.... the Maxi Dress.

Where to begin with these lovely little numbers.

Your comfort - Public venue... I, along with the public, win. Put it back in the closet.
Your home - My opinion... It's all about you Mrs. Roper! You win!!!  

Again, I'm not telling what to wear... I'm telling you when not to wear what. I know the dresses are comfortable and they're colorful. I know that sometimes that your big girl clothes (clothes you wear to work or out to party with your GFs) can get a little tight and you need a little bit of extra room, because Mother Nature has you bloated like a water buffalo, on the African Savannah. Hell you could fit 10 clowns and a Volkswagen under most of these Bohemian nightmares and nobody would know. That's not the point.

"Well what then, pray tell... is your point Munch?" I'm so glad you asked.... My point is this. Do you let your man go out of the house.... in public.... WITH YOU, in something he finds comfortable and fashionable? I guaranfuckingtee you don't.... UNLESS he pissed you off and you want him to look like a clown. Other than that... you ain't fooling nobody, or at least not me. Example...

Wife - "Are you wearing that shirt"
Husband - "Grunts"
Wife - "Honey, why don't you wear this shirt? I l-o-ve- the way it makes your arms look"
Husband - thinks to self, "I'm getting laid, yo!" Responds back to his "Grunt" and changes his shirt.

See Ladies, that's called skillful manipulation and while admirable, totally not cool! See... although you did him a favor and he looks like the eye candy you want him to be... You also effectively neutered him and placed his nuts in your Dooney and Bourke handbag.

Sorry... I meandered from the topic...   so back to the Maxi dresses. Okay I did find a few examples of dresses similar to a Maxi style that are cute. I would proudly stroll along with my wife and window shop with her, if she were wearing a cute dress like this. (remember, my nuts are going to be in her purse. That's why I'm drooling, carrying heavy bags and window shopping.) 

See? You can wear a bra with this one... you know? A bra? It lifts and separates those puppies!

The thing to remember ladies is this... no matter what InStyle Magazine, Glamour or Cosmo tells you... Bohemian shit or shit that Mrs Roper would have worn, is ugly. Shapeless garments like the Maxi dress do not EVER flatter your figure. The flowing A line skirt and tube top, terry cloth combo... yeah, that's fucking hot.... errrrr nauseating.

I mean seriously... don't you all Ladies dress for each other supposedly? Apparently efffing not and that brings us back to point one...

The Maxi Dress - cause sometimes you Ladies just don't give a fuck...


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