To my Sister

When mom and dad don’t understand, a sister always will. ~Author Unknown
  

 

You were there to help me to pack when I wanted to run away.

You were there to trash my room when I went away. 

You were there to protect me when I was bullied.

You were there to encourage when I needed to be myself. 

You are here today...

Still the comedian
Still the protector
Always a teacher


Cool Ass Big Sis....  the best Big Sister ever.

Happy Birthday! Love you!

Counterpoint - "distressed babies"

This will likely not be a popular post. So be it. I don't judge people on their past. Making mistakes is important part of how people learn. Bloggers included.

Can some people stand to make due with a little more sensitivity? Sure...

Can some stand to make due with a little less, it's all about me sensitivity? Yes...

 

 

Aol. is in the news. Specifically, CEO Tim Armstrong is in the news over an answer he provided during a Town Hall meeting with employees; to address changes made to the company's 401K policy. The company changed it's monthly "matching" contribution to a "lump sum" year-end contribution.

In the interest of being transparent and helping employees understand the decision to change the company benefit, Mr. Anderson said this:

“Two things that happened in 2012,” Armstrong said. “We had two AOL-ers that had distressed babies that were born that we paid a million dollars each to make sure those babies were OK in general. And those are the things that add up into our benefits cost. So when we had the final decision about what benefits to cut because of the increased healthcare costs, we made the decision, and I made the decision, to basically change the 401(k) plan.”

After these remarks were made, an AOL employee's wife, wrote this piece for Slate.

In the article, Deanna Fey comes forward to say: "For the record: It was me. I don’t work for AOL; my husband does. One of those “distressed babies” was our daughter."

She went on to write:

"Some commentators have questioned the implausibility of “million-dollar babies.” I have no expertise in health care costs, but I have a 3-inch thick folder of hospital bills that range from a few dollars and cents to the high six figures (before insurance adjustments). So even though it’s unlikely that AOL directly paid out those sums, I don’t take issue with Armstrong’s number.

I take issue with how he reduced my daughter to a “distressed baby” who cost the company too much money. How he blamed the saving of her life for his decision to scale back employee benefits. How he exposed the most searing experience of our lives, one that my husband and I still struggle to discuss with anyone but each other, for no other purpose than an absurd justification for corporate cost-cutting."

Where to begin with this...

 

First and foremost my heart does go out to the family. Having a pre-mature infant must be among one of the scariest things to face as a woman, a mother, and an expecting couple. The fact that your daughter is now starting to experience milestones, as other children do, is a testimate to the quality of healthcare in this country.

 

Now, on to the business side.

 

The CEO did not identify your family. YOU did.

 

• Why? Why the need to? No HIPPA violation occurred here. Of the 5600 employees employed by AOL , you assumed he was citing your family. Truth be told, in a corporation that large, you have no way to positively identify that it was your daughter's claim that the CEO spoke of. In an effort to be (again the word: transparent)  he cited factors which led him to the decision to change the 401K benefit and how the company administered it. 

 

"A “distressed baby” who cost the company too much money.How he blamed the saving of her life for his decision to scale back employee benefits. How he exposed the most searing experience of our lives, one that my husband and I still struggle to discuss with anyone but each other, for no other purpose than an absurd justification for corporate cost-cutting."

 

• He didn't do any of that. You inferred that from what he said. At the end of the day, here's the thing... You would only be feeling the way you do, if there was truth in what you inferred from his remarks. That's kinda harsh, but it is reality

 

"All of which made the implication from Armstrong that the saving of her life was an extravagant option, an oversize burden on the company bottom line, feel like a cruel violation, no less brutal for the ludicrousness of his contention.
 
Let’s set aside the fact that Armstrong—who took home $12 million in pay in 2012—felt the need to announce a cut in employee benefits on the very day that he touted the best quarterly earnings in years. For me and my husband—who have been genuinely grateful for AOL’s benefits, which are actually quite generous—the hardest thing to bear has been the whiff of judgment in Armstrong's statement, as if we selfishly gobbled up an obscenely large slice of the collective health care pie."

Nowhere did I see that said by the company CEO. The fact is, your family had a large claims utilization year. That happens. Last year, my wife had one hospitalization and an outpatient surgery. We too, had a larger than normal claims utilization year. When a company has a large claims utilization period... premium for the group normally rises and those costs are shared by its employees. Higher risk=higher premium dollars.

 

To think however that high dollar cases like yours or mine do not have an affect or have impact the decision making process of a company's owner or Board of Directors is naïve. To take it personal... that's just unnecessary. You paid your premium and your entitled to all the care proscribed by your benefits plan. End of story. You have nothing to feel guilty for.  

 

Speaking of benefits... AOL is offering a benefits package, which you yourself described as "very generous".  Part of that benefits package includes matching 401K contributions. As with any employer, benefits change... based on the company's bottom line. Sometimes they change for the better and sometimes for the worse. No matter what however, there is no mandate about how much, how often or even IF an employer must offer additional benefits on top of salary.

 

A CEO salary of $12 million. Yeah, I agree it's pretty crazy, but that's what the Board has determined his worth to be. Can a company have a good year or even the best year; and then raise, lower or do nothing about employee benefits? Sure. Maybe they have a R & D project working. Maybe there is something on the horizon which will eat up a chunk of the company's cash reserves and to offset that... benefits must be reduced. Who knows? Your employer that's who. The Senior management team. Will they always be transparent with plans? Likely not. There is still classified/ need to know areas within every company.   

 

Did Tim specifically call you out?

No.

 

Was he intentionally trying to make you feel bad?

No

 

Were the two babies cited as examples the only factors in the decision making process.
Very likely not.  

Was he making an effort to help your husband's co-workers understand the decision making process? Yes.

 

Did he utilize bad judgment in citing the two examples he did? 

Possibly

 

Has he tried to rectify this with you personally? Based on what I've read, yes. The man has apologized. Accept it. Stop turning this into something it's not. An attack on your family.

 

 

Munch 

The Musings of Munch: Fashion Faux Paus Fridays; 2014 Golden Globes Edition!!!



So... Twin is a total pain in my ass... she has hounded me nonstop since Monday, about doing this post. (which isn't even going to be that good) But still... as those of us lucky enough to be blacklisted blessed with little sisters know... They don't stop until they get what they want. They're relentless, because they were the babies growing up and they always get their way.

Apparently where she lives, which is LITERALLY next to the Governor of the State of Ohio, the cable or satellite providers did not offer DVR Service. Why the need to DVR? Because Twin needs her rest and isn't up late enough to watch things like award shows. (Even though she only cares about the dresses and who wore what) And even though the red carpet show is broadcast from 7:00 - 8:00 and she should totally be able to watch that... the hour before she goes to sleep 8:00pm every night is reserved for "sleep prep". 
So in any event... she leaves it to me to write these posts, to critique Hollywood couture, as if I'm some type of expert. (Which I totally am, so shut your face) This way she can discuss and amaze her peers with her knowledge and opinions of Hollywood Red Carpet Couture.

So without further ado... here we go,

The Musings of Munch: Fashion Faux Paus Fridays; 2014 Golden Globes Edition!!!

This is Ms. Amanda Williams. PETA enema #1 right now.
She didn't get the memo about not wearing your pet zebra



I love that Amy Adams was daring... BUT... American Hustle filming is over.
The plunging necklines like these... not one of my favorite retro trends.

If you look up the definition of ethereal beauty...
you see a pic of Ariel Winter

Purple and Pink, the colors? Yes!!!
Purple and Pink together on this dress?
ehhh,... not so much
(although I do love me some taffeta, dammit!)

ohhhhh... Drew, not you too! Pregnancy brain strikes again!
Pregnancy is never an excuse to wear dingle berries

DA' FAQ?
Sailor Moon called.. she wants her bow back!

Elisabeth... I like you and I want to like your dress...
haaaa... kidding... I don't.... it's fugly.
Please hire a stylist...

Emma Roberts
FUCKING.NAILED.IT
Gorgeous, classic

Emma Watson
I'm still out on this.
I don't HATE it, she is young and she can take chances.
I just don't know.
Look, on the carpet...
It's pant's!
Its a dress!
Da' faq?

Did you see Hayden's Red Carpet interview?
If I was short on time and couldn't do my hair and was wearing this ugly ass dress,
Maybe I would have would have got drunk before the ceremony as well.

Is Jennifer Lawrence dating an electrician?
It's the only way I can explain the black electric tape
that is wrapped around her waist and crotch.
OR IS IT......

Katniss is the Little Mermaid? Mind blown.... 

Jessica Chastain
 I love that you can see her neck. It's super feminine. Very sexy.
The diamonds accenting it... Absolutely
The hair... the evening's trend of the hair pulled or slicked back...
Not a fan...

LOVE the JC Penny Worthington Collection meets Chanel, Julia!!!!
Tre' sheek!

Ahhh... Kerry Washington, another mother to be,
appearing very elegant and beautiful.
Stunning really.  

I think a bit more curves on the top would have helped with proportion
Yellow done wrong....sorry Lena Dunham.

 

 Melissa Rauch...
Yellow done right.
Beautiful

 Not sure what happened here.... Tom Ford? Reem Acra? Both these dresses look awfully similar... only one way to resolve this designer dilemma... Fashiondom.... two designers enter and someone leaves looking faaabulouuuuuss!!!!!

This is the "lady bit" dress... Some on Twitter took to remarking its similarity to labia... I think that's a bit mean.... however if in fact your lady bits have this type of curvature and only on one side... I'd recommend a plastics consult.

As much as it PAINS me to say it... Taylor looked amazing. One of the best dressed of the evening. Maybe a bit much for the GGs, but she knocked it out of the park. Her make-up, her hair...
We're still not getting back together, Taylor...
Stop calling me!

 

Drum roll please.....

The hands down the winner and best dressed Lady of the evening
(in this Blogger's opinion)

 

Ms. Lupia Nyong



The color of the dress against her rich, dark skin is beautiful.
The way the dress clings to her body, without being trashy looking.
Truly radiant and beautiful.  

Thoughts? Feedback? Agree/Disagree? Write about, talk about it... and Twin, you can shut up about it, now  :-) 



She's having a baby

“For the love of God, will you settle the fuck down?” I think to myself. “Why can’t you be a good fetus and just let me get a good night’s sleep?  I give into your cravings, I sing to you and play that fucking ridiculous, Baby Einstein music for you; in the hopes that you won’t turn out like your ungrateful siblings.”

I think to myself, it's your own fault... Dr. Mendez told you to make sure to use condoms, until the birth control pills have a chance to get into my system. I should have kept the IUD instead. An unexpected anniversary gift you are. You can thank your Daddy little one.  

“Downtown, no kids, a concert, and a fancy hotel room… c’mon Danielle, it’ll be fun” he said. It was fun. The concert was awesome. Hanging out with Tiffany and her new boyfriend after the concert was great too. It’s so nice to be with friends, talking about non-kid related topics and not having to have to worry about the time and getting home. The hotel room… fucking expensive but worth it. Sometimes you just have to spend on yourselves. The huge, king size bed; the marble bath and shower; and a beautiful view of the skyline. It was definitely romantic. Too bad all the margaritas I drank turned me into Lindsay Lohan’s long lost sister and I went all Girl’s Gone Wild.  Obviously your Daddy enjoyed the show I gave, because here we are now with you playing soccer in my uterus. “Finally”, I say to myself a half hour later. David Beckham has gone to sleep.

I’m never getting pregnant, again.

Now I can go to sleep too...hmmm, David Beckham. I wonder if likes full term, pregnant gals. As many times that he’s knocked up that skinny bitch Posh, I bet he does. Yeah, I bet he get on some of this. What the hell am I thinking? I look like a bloated anaconda and I feel like road kill. I just need sleep. Me, my happy thoughts and a few hours of uninterrupted blissful sleep. Yay, I’ve even managed to get myself into a semi-comfortable position. Wait… are you kidding me? I have to pee, now? C’mon, give a girl a break. “Fine!” I scream in my head. “I’m going”. I sit up and look over at my husband…. David NOT Beckham.  “Comfortable much you asshole?”, I ask his snoring carcass. He farts and giggles in his sleep as a response.  Just kill me.  Seriously, I’m not going to get any sleep tonight. Maybe I should smother him. I was wrong, it’s his fault, why I’m in this state. There are mitigating factors here, such as cruel and unusual punishment.  Will a jury really convict a pregnant woman ,who was being tortured by her husband with gross and toxic flatulence; and his refusal to turn on the A/C in May? So what if I can see his breath when he is sleeping? It’s  fucking stifling up here. Oh… I’m supposed to be peeing. I can’t wait until I have a normally functioning, non- preggo brain again.

Okay, I’m getting up. I swear to god I can’t wait until this thing is out of me…. Two more weeks. That’s it. God I hope this one is smaller than the last two. I can’t push out another 9 lb kid again. I swear his ass better let me sleep in tomorrow. It’s Sunday. Nobody better bother me. Something else is tomorrow too. I can’t remember. All I know is this baby is due in a week and a half. This kid can’t come quick enough.

 I’m never getting pregnant again.

I start walking to the bathroom… oh shit. Why are my panties wet? Something is trickling down my leg. Fuck, my water is breaking . No… I just want to sleep.  I’m not ready for contractions and pushing and fuck... my legs aren’t shaved and my hooch hasn’t been trimmed in months.  

“David!!! Get up!!!”  I yell, “My water just broke”!  No answer. I flip the light switch on, grab the nearest object to me and throw it at him... What To Expect When You’re Expecting… Ironic, I bet he wasn’t expecting that.  Anyway, where is my suitcase?  Finally, he’s up. "Call my parents and have them come over to be with the kids. I need to change before we go” He sleepily nods and I set out to quickly change my clothes. Being huge and pregnant however negates the physics of dressing quickly and I’m still putting on my shoes when my parents arrive. I kiss them quickly and David herds me out the door to the car. “Relax”, I say “I haven’t even had my first…. ARRRRHHHH” My first contraction comes hard and painfully.

“Slow down, you’re going to kill us”, I say and then turn to David. “What the fuck is wrong with men?”, I ask. “You all need to be Mario Andretti when you're driving us to the hospital and damn near kill us in the process?" Oh shit, another contraction. Fuck that hurts “Well what are you waiting for? DRIVE!!”

I’m never getting pregnant again.

I’m sitting in a triage room of the emergency department. “Do I look like I have a fucking insurance card? I’m sorry that I forgot my purse. My priority was on getting my baby and me to the ahhhhhhh…”, another  contraction. “Just breathe, honey” says David. Oh sweet Jesus. That breathing shit didn’t work with the first two and it won’t this time either.  "Just get me a room and a fucking epidural”

“Will you stop touching every damn thing in the room … you’re not a doctor!”  I say. “Wanna play doctor?” he asks. “Yes asshole… at this minute I want to play doctor with you. Please give me a chance to hold your balls in my hand” I reply and glare at him. “I think I’m going to get something to drink. I’ll be back”, he says. Tight jeans or not I vow to myself… his cock is never coming near my vagina again. I’m tired of runny noses, wiping asses and fucking play dates.

I’m never getting pregnant again

“What do you mean I can’t have an epidural? Are you out of you mind?”, I scream at my nurse. “Where is Dr Mendez?” I ask. “He is en route ma’am, please try to settle down. We are going to try and make you as comfortable as possible. Please remember your breathing and Lamaze". Before I get the chance to tell my nurse that new age breathing won’t be necessary if she gets me a fucking epidural, David walks back in smiling, with a coffee in hand. I’m sooo regretting the earlier decision not to smother him when I had the chance.

“Guess what?” he asks. “I saw your blogger friend Stacie leaving with her husband and their new baby. Did you know she was pregnant?” "No asshole, I don’t keep up with my friends", I think to myself. He continues, “Yeah apparently she just gave birth a few days ago… it was a baby boy”. I reply “Yes David, I know. Remember when I told YOU about it the other day?” Oblivious to my snarkiness, he replies “Oh yeah, you’re right. You did. I’m sorry. Anyway, she told me to tell you good luck and that she’ll text you in a couple of days. Their kid was big. I can’t believe she was wearing jeans already. Can’t tell she just had a kid” As I look around for something to stab him with, Dr Mendez steps in to the room. He reaches my bed, smiles down on me and asks “How are we feeling today?” Uh... We? Do you have a parasite trying to fight its way out of your vagina too? Being a woman… I lie. I smile at him and say I’m okay, I’m just ready to get this baby into the world. “Good” he says, “Let’s see where you’re at. Looks like you’re  fully dilated here and I think it’s time. Kelly, can you please get her ready for delivery” Kelly, huh? She looks like a Kelly. With her dark hair and beautiful smile. Probably thinks she’s Wonder Woman too… whatev.

I’m never getting pregnant again.

Fuck… Why won’t you come out? I’ve been pushing for two hours. For the love of God, just give me the episiotomy. VBAC… why are sticking a plunger up my hooch? One thing I asked for, just one: a small baby. But Noooo... I’m two weeks early and this kid is still huge. “Here we go”, says Dr. Mendez. “One last time, Danielle. I need you to bear down hard and push” I do and relief. I hear a baby’s cry. “It’s a girl. Dad, would you like to do the honors?” asks Dr Mendez. I’m exhausted and can’t keep my eyes open as Dr Mendez delivers the afterbirth. I keep my eyes closed and I just want to sleep. I hear “Lil Miss Efficiency” Kelly, scurrying about with my daughter. Oh shit, the baby book… did I pack it? I hear my husband say “Can you add do some of the foot prints here too?” Finally, he is doing something useful. Kelly asks me “Would you like to hold him now?” and lays her in my arms. I gaze down at my new daughter’s wrinkled and pink newborn face. I see her father’s lips and mouth and my nose. I memorize the details of her face. She wrapped up tight and warm and is content against my breasts. I can feel her warm breath on me as she sleeps. I hear my husband say “She is beautiful, just like her mommy”.

My eyes are growing heavy, when my husband leans over, kisses my forehead and whispers softly, “Happy Mother’s Day”. In this moment, I’m lost in love with my child. I remember this is a love I’ve felt with all my children. This feeling of pure love between a child and mother… that no matter what pains motherhood brings me.

             

I will be getting pregnant again...

 

To all my Mom fans out there… I hope you enjoyed D’s motherhood story and it made you giggle at some points and smile knowingly at others. All you Moms are amazing treasures. You give life and nurture it, rarely getting all the credit and appreciation you deserve.

Please don’t ever doubt for a minute you aren’t appreciated. We spouses and kids may not say it enough, but we do love and appreciate you... everyday.

We know our lives would not be complete without you.

From me, to all of you…  Happy Mother’s Day

 Munch

 

 

The Panty Debate

Well Hello there!!!

Do you wear panties? Do you know someone who wears panties? I bet you do! There are all kinds you know... bikini, brief, thong, hipster, cheekster, boy-short and even grannies! 



#Ageappropriatefail

The issue at hand is Victoria's Secret "Bright Young Things" panty collection being marketed under
the Pink Line. There are some panties in a bunch over the new line. Opponents (parents) taking offense that their tweens will flock to VS to spend money on the brightly colored undies, which are emblazoned with slogans such as "Wild Thing" or "Kiss Me" across the bottom. The VS company and it's Pink representatives say this is not the case. That the Pink line has always been targeted towards college aged young women. This collection is geared towards collegiate age spring breakers. I think that's true. HOWEVER, what I also think is more true, is that young girls want to emulate older girls. The issue with that? More than ever... younger girls (tweens) are looking to emulate and take after their older counterparts or sisters. Girls want to grow up to quickly... peers, TV & magazine ads, and social media telling them that dressing scantily is the fashionable thing to! (I'm not even going to tackle the "this is how you need to look when wearing them" angle and the self esteem issues it causes) In a nutshell... young girls and ladies are being sexualized way to early in the name of fashion.




The only surf that better be up is the "Crimson" tide.
In which case... these panties are wholly inappropriate.

I'd be a horrible father and I'd be lying if I said I'm not horrified at the thought of my daughter, in a few years, sporting the Pink line undies and having suggestive phrases emblazoned on the butt.

With that being said... do I have the right to try and shut down VS or bad mouth them? No. They have the right to make money, if someone buys their product. Do we as parents have the right to worry? Of course we do, we're parents. THAT IS OUR JOB. We need to worry, we need to be responsible, we need to explain to our Tweens why certain clothing choices are not for them. That's the key. Be a parent. Parents should know what kind of knickers their daughters are wearing. It's our jobs to teach our daughters to respect themselves and their bodies.






To teach them about responsible sex... to teach them they need to stay virgins until they are thirty, errr, I mean "ready"... If we do that, then I won't have to worry about anyone but her mother and I, seeing her panties.    







It's our job... so let's get it done
say NO to retailers who
would sexualize your Tween daughter

Munch

In the end...

MUNDSCHENK Kurtis J. Mundschenk, 60, of North Fort Myers, Fla. and formerly of Gahanna, Friday, March 4, 2005 at Cape Coral Hospital. Served as a member of the law enforcement community and the Corporate Security Industry for over 30 years. Member of the American Society for Industrial Security, International Foundation of Protection Officers, Security Management Information Network of Ohio, Founding President; Wyoming Law Enforcement Firearms Instructors Association, International Association of Law Enforcement Firearms Instructors, Ohio Identification Officers Association and a Life Member of the International Association for Identification. Member of the Gulf Shore Mustang Club and former member of the Ohio Mustang Club. Survived by wife, Denise and brother, Jim (Margo) Muth; two daughters, Krista (Shane) Pearson and Kamie (Tom) Guzy; one son, David (Jessica) Mundschenk, and a step-daughter, Terra (Danny) Ernsberger; grandchildren, Drew, Luke, Alex, Kaitlyn, Zack, Derrick, and Sydney; Friends may call Tuesday 6-8 p.m. EVANS FUNERAL HOME, 4171 E. Livingston Ave., where service will be held Wednesday 11 a.m., Pastor Paul Gateman officiating. Interment will be at Highland Cemetery, Glenford, Oh. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made in Kurt's name to the American Heart Association or the Cape Coral Auxiliary, 625 Del Prado Blvd., Cape Coral, Fla. 33990.

Obituaries... a final essay if you will. A short paragraph that grieving survivors piece together to notify others of their loss. A short paragraph in which we try to convey to others who the deceased was. An essay which rarely does justice or explains who the person really was or why they were special. As you can see from the obit above, my Dad passed away seven years ago today. All the obit shows however, is a few of the places he lived, some of his accomplishments and who he was survived by. 



WTF?!?!?!?!?

As I stated above.... it didn't really do him justice. It doesn't show who he was or how he lived. He was born to Elmer John J "Al" Mundschenk and Gertrude Elizabeth (Trudy) Mundschenk (Heery) My grandfather was a successful and to be honest, a pretty damn bright engineer. He worked for North American Aviation and was involved with the Mercury spacecraft program and the X-15 jet to name a few. As was custom back in those days, Grandma Honey was a stay at home Mom, although I believe she had been a hand model at one time. (Cool, no?) Although my grandfather had a relatively, as far as I know, happy childhood... my grandmother did not. She had a hard life growing up, which translated into undiagnosed mental health issues going into her adulthood. Her tool of choice when it came to discipline for my Dad, was a cat of nine tails. A stick with a knotted leather strands. No fucking lie. I actually have the damn thing laying around here somewhere. It was used mainly once he was to big for her to handle... like when he was ten. I'm not judging her. I can't imagine the number of women, or men for that matter, who had to live with mental health issues prior to the invention of drugs like Prozac, Paxil or Zoloft to name a few. He did get his revenge. When he was sixteen and she was trying to unsuccessfully hit him for some breach of conduct, (boys will be boys) he took the damn thing from her and tied all the strands into an combobulated mess of leather and knots. Later on in life they would make light of it and joke about it. 

Still, the fact that my Dad actually grew up to be happy and pretty adjusted is a miracle. He grew up and went on to study religion, at his parents' urging, at Capital University, which back in the day was pretty well known for it's education of Lutheran ministers. Dad ended up failing or leaving with a D average. I don't believe it was due to a lack of faith, he would later become heavily involved in our Church when we were growing up and he was always a man of faith.... I think rather it's because he found someone he cared for, fell in love with and his grades suffered. Also, I think he subconsciously knew it wasn't his true calling. 

Although he left the university, he was there long enough to meet one of his lifelong friends and us childrens' Godfather: Paul, who continued on and became a Lutheran minister. They were birds of a feather and enjoyed the college life. Amongst their experiences at college, was a White Castle eating competition, which is the stuff of legend. I think they both made into well into the forties, before Dad got sick.

Being lifelong friends... Paul ultimately delivered my Dad's eulogy... Something he had previously retired from doing. He didn't tell me until after the fact. True friends are like that and I'm glad to know Dad had someone like that. I cannot express my gratitude to Paul, on behalf of our family, for doing so. The funniest part of the eulogy... Paul making reference to my Dad's well known habit of sleeping in the buff. I don't know when this started, but apparently... it was as early as college. Paul related a story of an early morning, when he, Dad and their roommate were still sleeping and received an early morning visitor. Dad having the bed closest to the door answered... naked. As Paul recounted, Dad opened the door, had a few words with the visitor, slammed the door and advised his other roommate that the roommate's Mom was  there to see him. The things we discover about our parents and their youth. How they are unlike the people we know growing up. I laughed about that memory for weeks after the funeral.

Dad was a joker and a prankster. He loved to tell a good joke and to get people on a prank. He was good at it too. His sense of timing and delivery was impeccable. Making people laugh and smile was one of his joys. I think that's where I get it. Although I'm far more out there than he ever was... the end result is the same. Make people laugh. Make them feel good. We all need more laughter, joy and friendship in our lives. Thank you Dad, for making sure that was the one lesson I learned above all else. 

In the interests of full disclosure... I have to be honest. Dad was no Saint. He had a temper. He was a yeller, much like me. He didn't hit and he rarely drank. One or two at most. I never saw him drunk. He hated to lose control of himself, as he was very much a "controller" of all things. Not in a domineering way, but in a way so that there was no situation that he couldn't control or step in if necessary, to protect us or from making mistakes. While that's not horrible, kids and spouses have to learn and grow from the mistakes they make.

There have been many things I've learned abut my Dad in the years since his death. Some funny, some good, and some bad. What's most important is that I've been fortunate to understand him in a different light. A light that still gives me wonderment and makes me believe he was the superhero from my youth. He was flawed certainly, but we all are. We each have dreams, fears and hopes. Mostly his dreams and hopes were that his kids would be happy and successful and that we would always love him.

Dear Dad... In this, as you did many things, you overachieved. WE MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU EVERYDAY.


Sincerely,
Munch
Cool Ass Big Sis
My Twin
The Girl Who Be Mom
and the Grandbabies  


Post Script:
An interesting item to note, to me anyway, is that my half brother Sean and and my half sister Lissa's Mom, Kathy, passed away on the same day as my Dad. I had not yet met either of them or ever spoken with them when we experienced our loss. I knew nothing of their lives. I also had not met or spoken with my biological father, Pat; whom I knew of, but had not ever been in contact with.

It was 2 years before that would happen. Truth be told, that was due to my grandmother, Sue, on my biological father's side. She found my mother and myself (Goggle! A stalker's tool!) after seeing my Dad's obituary.  While that's a story for a different day... it's hard to dismiss that as a cowinkiedink or if I would know any of these amazing people now, had it not been for our losses.

To everything there is a purpose   

Notes from an Abuser

Bourbon - I once drank almost an entire bottle in 6 hours.
Not cool or good for you.



 

Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.... topics I'm familiar with, but have remained tight lipped about. Until now and I don't know why I feeling the need to share, but I am. I know I usually "wow" you with funny stuff and couture opinions, but today I'm going deeper... much deeper. Bear with me or move on to something more "light". It's okay and I understand. Some days I want nothing but funny, as there is way to much Negative Nelly in the world.

Not negative, but awfully uppity for someone growing up on the Prairie

I think it may have been prompted by an upcoming, proposed change in the DSM-V release.  It includes merging alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence into a single new entry labeled "alcohol-use disorder". It struck a nerve with me. Not a bad nerve, but not a real good nerve either. It took me back to a dingy and poorly lit office... 18 years ago. Back to when I was 21 / 22 yrs of age and still in the USMC. I had just been diagnosed per the DSM-IV as an "alcohol abuser". The criteria listed in said manual is:

Alcohol Abuse:

A. maladaptive pattern of alcohol use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by one (or more) of the following, occurring within a 12-month period:

(1) recurrent alcohol use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home (e.g., repeated absences or poor work performance related to alcohol use; alcohol-related absences, suspensions, or expulsions from school; neglect of children or household) Nailed this one consistently. I was always late... despite that I was usually running to work.  In fact, I passed a company formation PT run one morning. Can't imagine what the C.O. of the company thought.
(2) recurrent alcohol use in situations in which it is physically hazardous (e.g., driving an automobile or operating a machine when impaired by alcohol use) I can honestly say that I wasn't guilty of this, as I didn't have a car. That was not alcohol related... just poor financial decisions made on my part, due to a huge ignorance of personal finance and credit matters.

(3) recurrent alcohol-related legal problems (e.g., arrests for alcohol-related disorderly conduct) I didn't get arrested by the Po-Po, but I had gotten into trouble for my tardiness once to often. The official charge was AWOL. Absent without Leave. I was 5 minutes late to work, but multiply that by 60 and you will be made an example of. I went before the company commander and received non-judicial punishment. (NJP) The punishment accorded to me?
 45 days Restriction  - The Marine Corps version of "grounding". You have to stay in your room unless you're working or eating. It didn't work, but that's another story.

45 days EPD - Cleaning transient rooms in the barracks and such.

2 months forfeiture of half my pay - My pay wasn't that much AND I still had a free roof over my head with three squares a day.

Mandatory Alcoholism Consult - Interview With the Vampire. Just kidding. It was an interview with a Staff Sergeant who was hungover. The result of that interview being diagnosed as an alcohol abuser and a two week treatment outpatient program.
(4) continued alcohol use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of the alcohol (e.g., arguments with spouse about consequences of Intoxication, physical fights) Certainly re-current due to re-occurring problems with supervisors and the Staff Judge Advocate.

B. The symptoms have never met the criteria for Alcohol Dependence - I won't bore you with a response to each of those bullet points, but I did not meet the criteria.

In all honesty, alcoholism and alcohol abuse was the norm in the Marine Corps. Much like the other service branches... it's a club of mostly young people, with stressful jobs who need an outlet. Often times, it is found in alcohol. (I.e. Work hard, play hard) At the time I was in, the accepted mindset was largely: Drinking hard is upholding tradition. In hindsight, it's easy to see how damaging it was... the failure to educate young Marines, men and women alike, about the dangers of alcoholism and abuse.

Especially a Marine like me, who was/is genetically predisposed to alcoholism and started drinking at age 14.... I'm now 39, a month removed from 40. That's 25+ years of not just drinking, but often times abusing. Fortunately, in the 18 years that have passed since being diagnosed, my drinking pattern has changed. It's no longer a case of the "Get drunk or go home" mentality that I subscribed to in the Marine Corps. Now... it's more along the lines of "Do I want a beer? I do, so I'm going to drink a beer" I don't drink everyday and I go days in between. I don't have to drink, but I just like to do so. It's that simple. Sometimes I over drink though and that is what scares me. I'm with friends or in a drinking setting and all of a sudden, I turn into Kesha. I'm like "No, the party don't start until I walk in"

It's troubling because more often than not, my kids see it. What message am I sending, in addition to the alcohol ads that proliferate the television airwaves coaxial cable/satellite signals, to my children. Drinking is what adults do? It's cool?

Have never encountered this situation
when drinking a Bud Light

The answer is a resounding: NO. Dad is an alcohol abuser at times and this is exactly what you have to avoid; experimenting with and drinking young... because of our genetics.

Use of alcohol is okay. WHEN YOU"RE OF LEGAL AGE and in moderation. You don't have to kill a 6 pack or 12 pack because it's in the fridge and you can get more. Be smart. Have a plan when you drink and never get behind the wheel, ever. Pick up the phone and call a sober driver.

These are the things I am vowing to tell my children. To make sure they understand. Cycles have endings and my family's cycle needs to end now.

Munch